What's A Plot?
by KaitlynToTheMax
Summary: Parody of every self-insertion fic ever. Kaitlyn(clearly me) is added to the Akatsuki for no apparent reason and has some adventures!...or something. Enjoy. Blatant self-insertion, making fun of OC characters, and playing on every predictable fanfiction cliche.


**Chapter Motherfuckin' One.**

**Stupid Cliché Intro**

I was talking to Leader. He was telling me about the Akatsuki. My attention wasn't really all that focused on him, and I was mostly staring off into space. Then he raised his voice and I jumped. He laughed a little under his breath and said, "Come with me.", and motioned to me. He led me into a big room that looked like a living room with three big couches and a huge plasma screen HD television. Like "more than a 72 inch" huge. He announced to Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and Sasori(who were the only ones in the room at the time), of my new membership. He said, "So, today we have a new member."

He was interrupted by Kisame laughing hysterically at the tv for no reason. The rest of the group stared him down. "Oh, um...sorry. Continue." he awkwardly sank into the couch.

"As I was saying..." Blah. Blah. Blah. Stupid cliché leader stuff. Stupid cliché fanfiction stuff. Stupid cliché douchbaggery.

Sometime while he was talking I stepped out from behind his ridiculous shadowy figure and waved to everyone in the room and said, "Um, hi, I guess. My name is Kaitlyn Hoshigaki, and whatnot." cue my little wave.

"Oh shiiiiiit." Kisame tried to make himself invisible by sinking lower into the couch.

"Methinks I hear a certain asshole brother of mine." I smiled evilly as I stood in front of the couch. I did my evil laugh and jumped into his(barely visible now) lap. "I'm baaaaaaack~" I singsonged and kissed him on the cheek.

"GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL. Why, Leader?! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!" he said as if I were torturing him.

"...I don't know. We're short on hands, or something. It's a fanfiction cliché." leader ignored his pleas.

"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!" Kisame whined some more, like the spoiled fish-brat he totally was.

"Okay, that's it. I was TRYING to be a good leader, here. But all I get is more of Kisame's bitching. Fuck this, I'm out. Do it all your own damn self." and with that, he left the room. Someone clearly needed to take some classes.

While everyone was glancing wtf looks at each other, I got up and announced my presence. "'sup, faggots?" (I do not condone the use of this word, for the record.)

"Hey, I take offense to that!" the blonde faggot jumped off couch number two and pointed at me whilst whining.

The red-headed one next to him laughed at him."Why would you take offense to what you are?" he smirked.

Blondie turned on him. "Am NOT!" Even I'm not that childish.

While they started arguing for my amusement, I left the room. I bet they wouldn't even notice that was exactly what I wanted them to do.

As I started wandering around, I noticed how simple the place was. All the doors were obviously marked. Except one that just said "Evil Doings". I'm guessing I'll find out later.

"Now, let's see...he said my new roomies' names were...damn...can't remember. I'll just look for names that sound familiar. Worst thing, I bump into him while he's still all mad." then I realized I was talking to myself. I decided I shouldn't do that. People might think I'm weir- oh...right.

I found one that looked kind of familiar: Sasori's and Deidara's. I was pleased to realize they were the ones still arguing on the couch. They'd probably just make out with each other when they're done. Obvious sexual tension there.

I looked around the room. It was also cliché. Puppets and clay, blah blah. I decided to go through their shit. I found some surprisingly good music in some drawers. Screamo, heavy metal, and for some reason, K-pop. I'll think about that later. I looked at both queen-sized beds. One was all neat and made, making it look stupid. The other was messy, and probably had cum-stains on it, so I laid in the nice one. You know, the one with the cum-stains. I took my ipod out of my pocket and put my earbuds in my ears. Nothing can bother me when I listen to new Found Glory. I closed my eyes.

"I'd Kill To Fall Asleep"

Eyes open, I'm wide awake  
I feel I'm in a coma state  
I'll lay here on my back and watch the fan turn

Conversations cross my mind, but nothing of the speaking kind  
TV images repeat there one lines

Back and forth I toss and turn  
It feels like strings are holding up my eyes

I'd kill to fall asleep  
I'd kill to fall asleep

Putting up a losing fight  
I'll never see this end tonight  
The thought of just one dream it consumes me

Numbers on the clock turn back, my pills are having no affect  
The beating of my heart keeps the time going

Back and forth I toss and turn  
It feels like strings are holding up my eyes

I'd kill to fall asleep  
I'd kill to fall asleep

They say that when you sleep your body's at rest  
I wouldn't know what sleep felt like if I tried my best  
Polaroids and memories can fade away, so can I...

Back and forth I toss and turn  
It feels like strings are holding up my eyes

I'd kill to fall asleep  
I'd kill to fall asleep

I'd kill to fall asleep  
I'd kill to fall asleep

I'd kill...

~Random amount of time later~

Third Person.

"OH, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK-" A pissed off Deidara yelled.

"She's already sleeping in your bed. Want me to tie her down? That's pretty much the only way you'll ever get laid." Sasori smirked at him.

Deidara glared, "Mind your own business." he walked over to where Kaitlyn was sleeping. "We chill out there for a while, and the little bitch comes in and jacks my bed." He pouted, then kicked the bed.

"Kicking it won't wake her up, Leader said she sleeps like a log." Sasori laid down on his bed.

"FUCKING FANTASTIC!" Deidara yelled. He looked at Kaitlyn to see no reaction. He smirked, "Heh, I know what'll wake her up." he put his hand near her face.

It licked her.

"HOLY FUCKING ZEBRACAKES—AHHHHHHHHH!" She fell off the bed, "WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT JUST HAPPENED?!" her eyes were huge.

"Payback happened." he stole his bed back. "Night." he threw a blanket on her.

She pulled it off. "Why would I need this?" She made a look of disgust at Deidara's old-looking blanket.

"Because you're on the floor tonight. This bed's MINE!" he stuck his tongue out like a kid.

"WELL!" she shouted. Then she calmly set the blanket down and laid with Sasori. She was too tired to argue right now.

~Living room~

Kisame made a face down the hall. "God, I hope she's not like she used to be."

* * *

**I actually wrote this a couple years back and figured I had enough chapters pre-written to post it. So I hope you enjoyed the crack. I sure as hell did. I do not apologize for the obvious and blatant making fun of old OC fanfics. Please review! **

**Also Kaitlyn is a blatant "random Akatsuki member's sister" self-insertion because I can. Enjoy her. I love writing crack.**


End file.
